Rekindled a new?

Let sleeping beasts lie,
In their sleep.
Memories of old,
they start to creep.

I am but only,
a mortal soul.
Such problems,
Engulf me whole.

What do I do?
Where do I go?
How much more,
Effort must I show?

Scars of old,
Bleed a new.
How I should act,
Haven't a clue.

Since that day,
I have lost all purpose.
Here you are,
After a long hiatus.

I want to move on,
Find a new one.
But what if,
We are not done?

Would I,
Forgive and forget.
And endure a repeat,
and regret?

Or should I refuse,
and move on.
For surely out there,
Waiting is my new dawn.

Top 10 things I want for myself

Yesh. Greedy greedy time. :o

1) A GF/female significant other. Mmmm. :o
1) A new well paying job (yes two numero unos)
3) MBA from a good business school
4) A car (Lancer Evolution X MR!!!)
5) Marshall Half Stack (MG100HDFX or if I'm feeling rich, a tube series like the JVMs)
6) Gibson Les Paul (as it is looking like it's Les Paul Standard 60's neck)
7) Intel Quad Core (current QX - mmmm I want to play!) processor and a new motherboard.
8) A new audiophile sound system (Marantz receiver and Paradigm mini monitor with a Paradigm sub)
9) Watercooling parts (a new rad)
10) A new LCD monitor to replace my dead one.

Hmm!

Nehalem!

Fair warning: This post will contain a LOT (I kid you not) of dense-ish techie-babble.

Nehalem! Who here is waiting for this new processor architecture?

For those who don't know (pity you poor non-computer geek people), Nehalem is the eagerly awaited next gen processor from Intel that is due out Q3-4 this year.

The Core architecture was unveiled in 2006. So true to Intel's 2 year cycle of new architecture / architecture revision, they seem to be on the dot of their aggressive stance. I guess I'll blabber on somewhat on why Intel has chosen to take on this path. Processors are very hard to design. They are usually done by hand and cannot really be rushed. Which is why the previous generation of Pentiums lasted so long. However, during AMD's K8 period, Intel found itself in the shallow end of the pool and it took them quite a while (until they debuted the Core Architecture). This two year product cycle is to ensure that they will be aggressive and if they lose the battle, it will not be as long as previously.

So why are my geek juices flowing due to Nehalem? Well let's see... 1-8 cores? Yummy? Well what about some Hyper-Threading on each core? Nice? How about the QuickPatch interconnect? Bye bye Front Side Bus. With it, an Integrated Memory Controller (On Die = low latencies).

What else? New Socket. Nice TDPs (considering the number of cores). Triple Channel ram (VERY fascinating).

Obvious issues is how OCing will work out. A number of factors that concern me are no more FSBs (but I wonder if it will be like HyperTransport - which isn't really that far off from FSB). Also how complicated will it be with triple channel ram and the amount of cores. More ram or processor cores, the more variables there are (like a ram stick or a CPU core that won't go as high as the others). Also with more crap now, I fully expect a new standard or updated specs for PSUs.

I also can't wait to see how the new mobo chipsets will be like too... :D

ARGH! Is it Q4 yet? :o

Some extra reading.

State of the Union (or lack of on my part)

My dad is in town.

The other day, we had this crazy deep father-son kinda talk (kinda awkward as this would never happen a few years back).

I talked about my dissatisfaction on my progress on things both professional and personal. Those who really know me, know that I am a very headstrong person who really pushes himself. Perseverances is a quality of mine that is very strong. But I am turning a quarter century this year and I feel that I'm not where I should be in life in terms of education, profession, and also relation.

My dad carefully laid things out to me.

Education
He told me at my age, he was just completing his Bachelors. He started his MBA at the age of 27. So in that sense, I still have a good head start.

Profession
He does not consider me as having my career 'started'. He said my career will only truly start after I get my MBA. His career rocket soared after his MBA and he said mine should be the same (however I am VERY ambitious). Things will take it's course. For me personally, I am persevering (god I love that word to describe myself :p ).

Relation
Not much can be said about this one. haha! Now I am trying to start fresh (though it is awkward for me - I really have forgotten how it's like haha). Starting out, I suck. After the first hurdle, I know how to treat a lady. ;) But I just wonder what the normal age is for people of this day and age. My parents married real young (20 and 22 respectively). I don't know. As much as I want to find one, only fools rush in. It will happen when it happens (aka I find Ms Right - who is willing to reciprocate). Everything happens (or doesn't) for a reason which is ultimately always the best. It probably really does not help that I am super picky on who I 'open up' to. hah. Digging part of the hole I'm in on my own.

Obviously I dislike the notion of me living under their roof (if the move goes as planned) without paying them rent (but they insist - and the way I see it, they're gonna help me with my MBA anyways - so in the end, it's the same difference). My dad told me that he knows I can survive on my own (I have been doing that for a year now) but said that even though I am an adult, I still need to get a firm hold on things. He's confident that I will leave of my own accord when the time is right (I would be out in a heartbeat).

Man, my parents really are something else. When I have kids, I have to be sure to 'pass the buck' on to them.

Moving?

So my family is moving up here from Kansas in a little bit. As the plan goes, I am to move in with them. I really don't have a problem with my parentals and I'm real close with my two younger brothers. So here's some pro's and cons so to speak.

Pros
1) I get to be with my family.
- Obviously this is a plus. No more of me being completely lonely most of the time (when I say most, I mean all the time).
2) Cheaper living costs?
- If/when I do move in with them, I fully intend to contribute at/near what I am paying for my apartment. But I could potentially live better.
3) Better TV
- No more of those "Crap! I don't have that channel". :)
4) I can get my stuff
- My beloved hobby grade RCs, my dead weights (pumpzor teh ironzor!)

Cons
1) I get to be with my family.
- They will drive me nuts with stuff (sloppy things, lazy on things, etc).
2) Perception
- "What? You live with your parents?". I'm never one that really cares what other people thinks but I am trying to get my life started (find a partner and settle down in the future). Living with parentals could be a step in the wrong direction. Don't get me wrong, I am completely independent of them (I really like it that way) but as they say, circumstantial evidence > actual evidence.
3) Food
- There will be an abundance of food. I have started eating less and less since living on my own (partly coz I have to pay for it :p) and I think I've lost weight. Which is a good thing. Hmm! Control!!!! :o

So I don't know. I will probably move in with them. I asked them how much did they want me to put in. They said no need. All they asked was for me to give my brothers pocket money and save my money towards an MBA and car payments. I haven't said anything but I have to clear my conscience and see first (I refuse to 'feel' that I'm free loading).

At least in a house I can be noisy again. I can't wait to finally be able to 'listen' to music again (and not whispering).

Also, I can have a half stack. ;)

Pentatonics!

So I've been dabbling a lot in Pentatonic Scales lately. Prepping for some Solo-ing action! Wewt!

So far, I've been tinkering with the minor scales. I spent Saturday night playing with it (yes I lack social life) practicing it (even while watching F1 - go Ferrari!).

So as a result of that session, I have mastered 4 boxes of the minor pentatonic scales (I can blast thru them now).

Minor Pentatonic Scales

I just have to learn the final box (the right most pair) and I will be done with the Minor Scales. I think I've made strides. Fingers are a lot faster now in moving around. :)

I incorporate scales into my warm up and finger exercise regiments (paired with picking exercises).

I hope to get good as fast as I can by working and practicing as hard as I can (though not too hard so I will not get a repeat performance of my tendinitis).

I will keep at it some more and master the Major scales. After that, onwards to Modes!

Muahaha. Heading down the path of shredding!

My Ibanez RG has been Hot Rodded part 2!

After installing the new pick ups, I felt that I needed to have some who actually has an idea wtf to do in terms of adjusting it so I hauled it off to the local Guitar Center here in Kirkland to be 'set up'.

Little did I know, I left it in the loving care of Dagna Barrera of Parsons Guitars. This lovely (and super nice) lady took good care of my guitar real well (I are teh guitar n00b - only played for less then 3 months). She recommended that I change string gauge to a higher one (10s) and took care of the fret buzz crap I was having and also fully adjusted my new Seymour Duncan pickups. She even gave my RG a good cleaning (I forgot to polish the frets when I changed strings) and it looked brand new when I cracked my case open. In my hands, it felt even better than brand new! :o Such fine attention to detail too. The lower knob that my strap locks hook on to was a bit loose and I half assed tried to fill it up (so it could be tightened). I checked that and it was as tight as can be (she fixed it for me!). Fingerboard seems to have been treated/cleaned as well.

I'm so glad I trusted my RG to such caring and able hands. I know its relatively cheap and not the best guitar in the world, but it is my first guitar and that will always have a special place in my heart. It's perceived value far out numbers it's actual monetary value. But with that said, it's not exactly a piece of shit either. ;) (Hey its a Legendary Ibanez RG guitar - now with hot roaring Seymour Duncans).

I will definitely recommend this wonderful Luthier to anyone who needs it. :)

Check them out for all your guitar needs up here in Seattle.

Lastly a pic of my cherished RG:

All set up!

My parents are crazy random

Hahaha!

Parentals. Couldn't have made it without them, can't make it with them. Go figure. :)

My parents have always been the most random and fickle minded people I know. It is both an adorable trait as well as a point of contention (drives me up the wall all the time - I tend to be super organized in planning and scheduling - and crazy punctual) for me.

But today, they have just out done themselves once again.

This afternoon, they decided to go buy some paint (prepping to move out of our/my house - possibly here or somewhere else - read above) to paint some walls. Guess what they ended up taking back home with them?

Whatever it is, you won't guess it.

They took back with them, a FULLY LOADED LEXUS GS 450h....... I bet you were wrong right?

How one goes out to buy perhaps $50 bucks worth of paint (crazy modest estimate) and goes home with something that costs 1300x more is honestly beyond me (they didn't buy the paint either - HAHA!).

In their defense, my dad has been wanting a GS since it came out. In fact, we test drove it (and I test drove the IS 350 as well mmmm) and loved it. I can just imagine the giddish smile my dad has now. har har har.

Lexus interiors are second to none. Mercedes Benz? Sure parts are nice but aesthetically inferior. BMW? Way too many buttons (plus most euro car's center consoles are usually a mass of ugly buttons) and well just odd and overly complicated (though techies and engi's would probably love it - the other 98% of the world's population don't - there is this thing called ergonomics). Seriously. Step into one, close the door and you are sealed from the outside world.

The one they got is Pearl White (purdy) and has all the bells and whistles (cruise control with front bumper sensor, voice everything, active dampers - car stays level when cornering, sport suspension and tranny, and tons more). Before you cringe at the hybrid, this one is different. The electric motor's purpose is not really to save gas... It's for acceleration (TORQUE) and it is the fastest accelerating GS (0-60 in 5.2s).

Me biased? Hah! I'm a Nissan fan. But interiors easily Lexus > Infiniti (and also in car audio too - Mark Levinson > BOSE).

EDIT:
My younger brother pointed out that this is actually a trend when it comes to them buying cars.

It was the same with the G35 coupe (hey let's take a look at this, and ended up driving it home) and a Hyundai Santa Fe (meet us up for lunch at this place, we go there then tadaaa, new car).

So... Umm... yeah...

My Ibanez RG has been Hot Rodded!

I've been wanting to change the pickups on my Ibanez RG (annoyingly called Ms Ibanez ;) ) for quite a while now.

I've been battling between Seymour Duncans VS EMGs for a while. Finally decided to bite the bullet and stopped by my local Guitar Center (didn't want to wait for it to ship) and got myself the Hot Rodded set (SH-2n and SH-4 humbuckers).

Seymour Duncan Hotrodded

SH-2n (left) and SH-4 (right)

Old (left/bottom) New (right/top)

Man what a world of difference! My distortion is WAY more crunchier and everything sounds a LOT tighter. Metal Distortion = ROARING!

SH-2n sounds real tight and really pitchy. The SH-4 is a roaring thunderous high powered pickup. The hum canceling is also real good. Minimal resonant sounds.

I probably need to send this in for fine tuning though (no one to really teach me right now).

Jam Session Round 2

So last night we had another jam session. This time minus the Bass Player (Nick) who I jammed with last week. This time around, I jammed with 2 other co-workers. One has both Electric and Acoustic, the other one is a newbie (like me) who plays on Acoustic.

We had tons of fun. Rotated through various parts of various songs like Megadeth - In My Darkest Hour, Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun (WIP for me.. :D ) and we played some blues progressions. I taught them the Spider Riff and Metallica's Enter Sandman riffs. In all it was tons of fun. They couldn't believe that I have just been playing for 2 months plus (that is a huge compliment to me). I tell them I practice all the time and work on scales and faster songs to improve finger speed (they in turn are calling me Mr Pentatonic - as I just started learning them and I'm totally into it). They gave me pointers on stretching (like hitting the 3rd, 5th, and 7th fret with your hand at once - FREAKING HURTS lol).

Also, my friend introduced me to his "Ms Gibson", a Les Paul Studio (I in turn reciprocated in introducing him to "Ms Ibanez"). WEWT! I've been itching to pick one up and try it (I have settled on having it as my next guitar). MAN! I really want one even more so now! The pickups sound AWESOME! The string action is so low (~half what mine is). So super fast to play. I WANT ONE!

I also tried a Fender Stratocaster. First time I ever played on a Single Coil guitar (has a more 'twangy' sound). It was nice playing it. However, I really did not like the center pick up. My pick would get caught on it all the time... :\

I kinda want a strat later on but I don't know. I think it's pretty much well established that I love to play rock/alternative/metal and Humbuckers are pretty much the way to go for this genre.

Still fun times...


AND I WANT A LES PAUL!

You know you have Fridayitis when....

I speak from vast experience...

1) You wake up late for work / wake up thinking it's Saturday.
2) You sit down and stare at the screen blankly.
3) Make retarded mistakes on huge transfers (oh just 32 tons worth of material thats not supposed to be there yet but was transferred in on the ERP).
4) Think of donuts downstairs instead of deadlines.
5) Can't stop thinking of what you're going to do after you get off.
6) Need more sleep! (nuff said?)
7) Chat up with co-workers 15 mins after you just turned on the computer.
8) Too lazy to do anything (like get a bowl for your cereal so u just dump it into your glass of milk and try to drink it).
9) You meet another co-worker say hi and both sigh and slump at the same time and both utter "umm... yeah" at the same time, you know you have an epidemic on your hands (or at least your floor).
10) Your co-workers want to get plastered after work.
11) I'm posting crap here.
12) Ate way too much for lunch.

Honorable mentions: Trance and Metal have no effect on you. Sugar and Caffeine have no effect on you. You see a friend go through 4 boxes of cereal, a bagel, and 2 donuts in the morning.

What do you get

When 4 big jokers sit down and have lunch together? Anything can happen.

Yesterday, my buddy (Nick) and I were having lunch together. Another co-worker decided to have lunch with us, and then two other co-workers came in (the other two jokers) and sat down with us.

Hilarity ensues....

Jokes/puns/and slapsticks ensued with utter disregard of the workplace lounge. I almost exhaled the cinnamon roll out of my nostrils trying to hold back a big burst of laughter. My root beer almost got accelerated out of my esophagus and into the air/table a few times.

The co-worker who joined us had to excuse herself after a while (you guys are nuts, I can't sit here - she was turning red from laughing).

Such good times. Bad for the digestive tract but good for the soul.

Ten people I want to meet in Seattle

I was gonna go to bed but what the heck. Let's do another one!

No particular order!

1) Bill Gates of Microsoft
2) Steve Ballmer of Microsoft
3) Chris Pirilo
4) Chris Cornell of Soundgarden/Audioslave
5) Kim Thayil of Soundgarden
6) A partner/significant other (whenever/who ever that is - and no, not Ms Ibanez - a joke I'm pulling right now - though I am crazy selective which doesn't help).
7) Howard Schultz of Starbucks
8) Jeff Bezos
9) John Bach of Puget Custom Computers (HAH! Already met him, real cool guy and his gang at PCC - I have him on Linked In and MSN... ;) ).
10) Gabe Newell of Valve Software

There you have it. Enjoy!

I hope I can meet more people from this list.

Top 10 things people say to me

Just feel like in a top 10 mood.

1) Hi! (or some other form of greeting - DUH).
2) You jackass/asshole/jerk,etc (followed by insane amounts of laughter due to a joke I played - usually followed by ushering me to go away so they can concentrate - hey I know they needed teh break ;) ).
3) You suck (again due to me playing around).
4) Thanks, I appreciate it, thats wonderful (or some other form of gratitude - me likes to help!).
5) Can you look at this/Can you come over here real quick? (I are teh fixer).
6) What's for lunch/dinner/food? (self explanatory - followed by consumption of teh good food!)
7) Are you busy? (yes, only one person keeps asking me this all the time - rhetorics for the win).
8) You are so funny/hilarious! (again me joking around - what can I say? I spread the vibe)
9) Are you on/playing (online gaming ftw).
10) What are you up to? (when someone wants to do something).

In my current frame of mind, it is always a good thing to think of the better things. :)

RAWR

When enough is enough

Hi,

How are you?

Why quiet?

Feeling blue?

The questions I get,

What the heck?

What am I?

But just a speck.

The hardships,

I endure.

And the lonely,

Oh for sure.

All my life,

Nothing but pushed around.

I fight back,

Lying on the ground.

My body,

Ravaged and battered.

My heart,

Equally torn and tattered.

Sleep always brings the promise,

Of a new day and fresh air.

Hope is always,

The beginning of despair.

My life has been one,

Of infinite sadness.

Look into my eyes,

And you too will witness.

Behind the big heart,

And sad smile.

Is a past endured,

Both happy and vile.

Hardened on outside,

Only opened to a few.

Inside whole fully good,

As pure as morning dew.

My dissatisfaction,

Always compels.

I know what I want,

And I will go through all hells.

But when is something,

A lost cause?

Do I still pursue?

Or stop and pause?

Could this be fate?

That I reject!

But all things considered,

What do I expect?

I was foolish,

And brash.

The only outcome,

Can only be a crash.

I have made,

A grave mistake.

How to undo?

Oh what would it take?

Nothing.

It is done.

Accept it,

You have not won.

Repeat it,

Never.

Figure it out next time,

For you are very clever.

I have done all I could,

Within consent.

Now accept it,

And live on content.

Human I am,

One that is normal.

My good intentions,

Unfortunately delivered abysmal.

I will continue to go on,

At whatever cost.

And accept the fact,

That this time I’ve lost.

- Scott Suleiman wrote this in less than 15 minutes. :)

I need to listen to happier stuff. Grunge/Metal is NOT feel good music... I better give the Trance more play time...

Mr Clean

So I spent a better part of last night scrubbing my bathroom.

This morning in my groggy stupor, I stumbled in and OMG! It felt like stepping into a Hotel Bathroom! LOL! Faucets were all sparkly clean (like brand new), various mats were all plush (Washed and tossed into the Dryer), clean ceilings, spotless mirrors. Super clean counter tops, uber clean toilet bowl (anyone would be honored to take a dump on my throne now). I really outdid myself this time.

Only thing I need now is a new shower curtain (it has umm kinda turned orangy LOL).

I also started taking apart my range for a cleaning overhaul (filter was cleaned yesterday). Hmm I should get busy soon... :p

Cleaning is a form of release for me too (stress buster). Especially since I really have my back against the wall on multiple fronts.

Anyways, time to get busy soon. Now if only I could make the other 2/3rds of my apartment hotel-ish (I have way too much junk). I need a bigger place to contain all my crap (I need a hobby room for my PC/guitar/ and soon R/Cs).

EDIT: I told a co-worker of my cleaning endeavors and she laughed at me and told me I was nuts (my dislike of dirty plates & silverware). Yup, that is me, the sloppy clean freak (I am a walking contradiction. Clean I am. Tidy? Hmm... Arguable. ;)

Playing Guitar

I bet some people wonder why I love playing so much.

For me, it's the same reason as why I game, or why I was into Amateur photography, and why I am heavily into Computer Hardware, and why I am into Hobby grade R/C. It is a release.

In a life full of crap on a daily basis (dollops and dollops of it), it is one of the few things that I have absolute control over. What I play, how I play, when I play. It is very therapeutic (though Metal isn't). Real relaxing. Helps keep me chill and happy and it occupies my free time in a constructive way. It is also a form of venting I suppose. Also it's another thing I can pass on to future people too (One is always remembered with what they left behind right?).

Which is why I devote so much time to it. I love playing, I can't stop playing and I really want to get better at it. I push myself very hard (true in everything I commit myself to). But I have to remind myself, that I have only played it for just over 2 months now (effectively).

But I think I have come pretty far and will continue to do so. That is once this stupid injury fully heals up. It really doesn't help that I'm a klutz (caught my thumb on a hook yesterday behind my door.... tell me about it.... ).

Songs I know how to play (even partially - no solos yet though):
Megadeth - Symphony of Destruction (partially)
Coldplay - Yellow (partially - hard to get the sound right)
Coldplay - Sparks (partially - pretty hard)
Black Sabbath - Paranoid
Metallica - Enter Sandman
Nirvana - Come As You Are (partially)
Guns n Roses - Patience (part of the solo only - like the first few lmao).


Songs I wanna learn:
Killswitch Engage songs
Soundgarden songs
More Megadeth songs
Some blues.

Compassion

Wow I guess today is the day I write about my mind huh... :p

I was dozing off watching Food Network HD (muahahaha) and I saw this compassion ad. It said "If you can't do it all, do all you can".

Which is very true. Back in a previous post, I mentioned about caring and that I do what I can to help others.

Compassion, to me, is an extension of empathy (Empathy = knowing how another feels - a.k.a putting yourself in other's shoes). It's knowing the state of someone else and reaching out to help out in whatever way you can for the sole purpose of betterment (stop/reduce pain/suffering). Very similar to altruism.

But the ad just caught me off guard. Such simple small things can always benefit everyone in big ways.

Intensity

Intensity is always a good thing. It allows you to be aggressive in pursuing things. It makes you more efficient. It allows you to "Git R done".

However it can also be a bad thing. You can't be intense in somethings. Like say when it involves feelings and other people. Some things must just take their course without a catalyst. I tend to try and push things a long and it spills over into that aspect. Which is bad. I'm scary enough as it is without that. hahaha!

So I gotta chill. Cool as a cucumber. :)

My first time

Jamming that is (what the hell were you thinking? ;) ).

I brought my guitar with me when I left for work yesterday because a buddy of mine (Nick) wanted to go play some songs after work over at his place. Apparently, he is a Bass Guitar player. He has an uber cool Old School Peavey Patriot bass guitar. He takes pride that the bass guitar is as old as the both of us (haha!). He also has this sweet ass sticker on his bass guitar case (Do it in chainmail!).

He also introduced me to his new dog, Teja. I'll add pics on Monday (so I can get the link from him to his web album). Super overly friendly (and most of the times baby-ish) Pitbull/Great Dane mix.

But back to the playing, we kinda winged it but we did make decent progress on Paranoid by Black Sabbath, and Enter Sandman by Metallica. We also did some Come As You are by Nirvana. Apart from that we just played around. Nick played some System of a Down bass lines and various others. I played around with Symphony of Destruction by Megadeth (Mustaine FTW!).

In all it was tons of fun. I enjoyed playing immensely. Though I did take good care of my wrist. ;)

Bass looks so much easier. No fair.. :p

I was all out of sync until Nick had to take Teja out again and I did some quick scales and exercises. By the time he got back, I was already recalling how to play Enter Sandman and my picking and fretting were completely in tune... :P

Hah!

I think global warming is a lie.. :p (But thats mostly the petrol head in me.)

Cow farts are more harmful then cars. (Eat more beef!)

While I don't pretend that math is my strongest quality, but I see Fud real easy!

Basic Greenhouse equations are "totally wrong".

Take that Gore!

:p

Young grow old, the older grows even older?

My youngest brother just turned 12 and his voice is already changing... o_O

Thats real fast. I feel real old now.

Too much that I still need to achieve though. I am not where I should be.

Need to pick up zee pace!

Being Nice

Which is harder?

Being nice or being a dick?

For me being nice is less involved. Sure it takes time to help someone out. But I think there is a higher cost associated with being a prick. Don't get me wrong, if I can't help, I apologize and move on (I am a very frank person). If I wanted to be a dick (which in some cases is justified), I would have to think of something snappy to say (for me it isn't hard haha), make crap up and find some way to spite the other person. LAZY.

Being nice is easy. And it helps develop character and leadership. Sure you can have leadership by fear (traditional boss who strains vocal chords regularly). But again that is demoralizing and takes too much effort (as well as physical toll - age faster, pop veins, etc). But I won't babble on about management theories (oh I could go on! - Management is a great passion of mine - interrelates real well with the person I am). It also builds respect. Currently, I have a rather visible injury (my right hand) and my co-workers ask about it every morning. Oh how's it feeling? How's it feeling? They even joke about it and are empathetic if I am in pain. It creates a culture as well because I am exactly like that when one of them is down as well. We all know it's nothing too serious (umm tendonitis fucking hurts!) but it's nothing life threatening. But we ask anyways. Sure it may be cordial. It's definitely a conversation starter. We joke about it all the time. My property manager asked about it and when I told her about it she advised me to stay off the computer more (everyone knows my hardware '1337ness' I guess) and when I just grinned back (in a fiendish manner), she quipped back and said "yeah right huh?". I in turn replied, "Psh this stop me? Come on now!". Sure informal relationship of leaser and tenant but such a small act increased my respect for the other.

Small things add up fast.

Also today, I learned once again why it is important never to burn bridges. I personally prefer to build bridges (and maintain relationships with everyone I know). Very few people in my lifetime has prompted me to 'napalm the bridge' and sever ties. Future is never certain and you never know when you may be in need. As much as one would like not to believe, very few things in life (or in this world for the matter) can happen without another. You never know who that other is.

On a side note, a buddy of mine (Abe), has a buck on his car's center console. When we were at this burger joint just now (XXX Rootbeer - Ugh I had their huge ass burger and it's gonna sustain me till tomorrow LOL) I asked him what the heck. Why does he have that. he said that was his "Hobo Dollar" to give to the panhandlers at random intersections. Fascinating.

Nice!

Today my younger brother told me that he has been invited to join the coveted Beta Gamma Sigma.

It is a great honor as it is the highest recognition that anyone in a AACSB accredited business program can have. It was also one thing that I was trying hard to get too (though I fell sick the day before finals and marginally lost out on 3 A's - no it's not a lame excuse and no I never beg for anything) but lady luck frowned on me. Still props for my dork brother. Well done! :p

Also a co-worker of mine took pity on my inability to really play guitar. She knows how passionate I am about it and knows how much it's been hurting me (this dumb injury). So she decided to let me borrow her electronic keyboard and give that a whirl. According to her, the transition from piano/keyboard to and from guitar is easy (ummkay) and also the keys are very soft so they should not aggravate any thing.

It pleases me greatly that I know such people who care and are very kind. Very thoughtful of her. I am touched. :o

Good sign(s)

I had a co-worker compliment me on my niceties and calm demeanor. Tis a good sign. Especially since I have 'reawakened'.

In what ways does it show you ask? I blast through work way faster now. I don't feel 'down' at all. I feel even more confident in everything. I kick back on things a lot faster (stuff that won't fly) with less hesitation. But at the same time, I'm more empathetic (more emphasis on the last three syllables) to people. RAWR!

It's the truth really. Almost nothing annoys me or irritates me.

Muahahaha! Change for the good is always a good thing!

I've also started playing guitar again.. :p Though no rock or metal. I've been learning how to play Coldplay's Yellow (still trying to get the sound right though on effects). Will tinker more today and hopefully try another song as well. I take regular breaks (after every few mins). I play with the bandage on my thumb on (to minimize movement). The wrist brace has had some adverse effects on my wrist (it becomes stiff due to not moving for extended periods). I hold the pick just so that nothing hurts and I play gently (duh, its not metal) and after playing, I ice my thumb for 20 mins. :p

I am cool as a cucumber (especially while being iced)...

Small(er) brother, Big advice

My how far I have fallen.

This time last year was my first falling. Fate dealt a horrible hand to me. Major plans fell through, crumbled and withered away (a string of disappointments). Along with it went a sense of purpose and guidance. Here I am, a year has passed and I am still fading in and out of things. Disappointed with my professional and personal progress, I decided this morning to ride it out a few more weeks and if nothing, I would embark on a sabbatical to rediscover myself. Find the missing link. This is also known as running away. I relayed my intentions to my younger brother.

Later on today, he called me. First thing he asked was "What the hell happened to the immensely strong dude that left home?!". I was floored. He was right, I knew it and my eyes could no longer lie to me.

Once upon a time, I was hyper aggressive in things. I always considered myself a super nice person, but at the time, if the foot needed to come down, it would. If asses needed kicking, they would be kicked. I knew what I wanted and wouldn't stop for a second to get it. I rode the thin fine line in being aggressive yet at the same time, I maintained my niceties. I always have and always will love helping out others. Now I was a 'what ever man'.

For the last year, I have lived a relatively de-fanged lifestyle. Lived in solitude. Still reeling from the wounds of life. Sure I know what I want, but I had nothing that compelled me towards it. I slowly lost the inner drive. I fell into a life of routine. Dissatisfied yet content.

How far I have fallen.

Such a far cry from my old self. Such a far cry from myself. My younger brother pointed out that I was the one who taught him what to do and made him aggressive. He reminded me why I left home. Why I suddenly packed up and left on very short notice. Why I left behind everything I knew and loved. It was to pursue something. It was my energy and aggression that compelled me fourth. Towards a perceived future that I knew I wanted. The promise of something I can achieve if I worked hard.

Fairly recently, some one talked some sense into me. I am grateful for the talk I had with her. That combined with my brother literally smacking me in the side of the head has truly knocked sense into me.

In my time away, I have become too soft. Nice guys finish last. This is true. For almost 25 years, I have known this. I do it willfully (and will continue to do so) only now, once again, only as long as it never interferes with my own being. I have lost so much so that others may gain. I really should be more selfish. But I can't help it (however, I never let others lose anything over my endeavors).

I led myself to believe that I was at the pinnacle of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I thought I could skip Esteem and Love/Belonging that was lost and go straight to self-actualization. Those who know me, know well that I always expect myself to deliver more than what I can (aim high). They also know of my overzealous nature which always ends up either with me obtaining success or failure (accompanied with pain). I fell short this time and it hurt me more than anything. (Hey, my friends didn't used to call me bulldozer for nothing.. ;) ).

Watch me this time as I seek to achieve all three at once (I can only be myself right?). I will be aggressive, yet still hope to be the nicest person anyone can ever meet (though the foot will come down where it must). Don't get me wrong, I won't change in that regard. Just the other half of me has reawakened (I compartmentalize it's usage). My other self with unwavering inner drive. This is my challenge to myself, my greatest opponent. One that is unwavering and innately ruthless (to myself). I have lied dormant for far too long. Give me time and watch. Just watch.

Oh how I love life. I would never trade a second of it for anything. Why do I want to must I succeed? For me, myself, and I. And if there happens to be someone with me, for them too. I dedicate my all (whoever you are lol). But until then, I will never step down.

I dedicate this post to my younger brother. The younger brother of which I cherish and appreciate with all of my heart and soul. The one that has rode with me through our highs and lows. I dedicate this for my other younger brother, who needs some toughing up. I want nothing but the both of them to be way better than me (and to insure it, I left some pretty big shoes to fill too - size 13s!). :)

Culture

The United States is a great and vast melting pot of various ethnicities and with them, cultures. Out of all the countries in the world, I think the US is the best example of ethnic and religious integration. Sure there are some friction that happens but that's to be expected I guess.

However there is a downside to being a melting pot. With the generations, people lose their identity. I can see it everywhere. Dutch Americans, German Americans, Italian Americans, Asian Americans (and their various sub cultures - Asia is pretty big dammit! :p ). They slowly lose their 'uniqueness' so to speak. Language, food, etc.

Don't get me wrong, integration is paramount. Learning the English language is very important (as it is the main language of the United States). You don't go to people's countries and expect them to bend over backwards and accommodate you in every regards do you (and blame them for trying)?

But on the same side, I feel that retaining some sort of 'identity' from a cultural standpoint is important (now I do distinguish culture and tradition - I'm too progressive for the latter haha).

When I moved to the great state of Washington, I had to make a driver's license here. At the time, I wanted to change my legal name to 'Scott' (which is the name I go by). I made my intention known to my parents because my birth name is somewhat of a challenge for most Americans to pronounce (no bad on them for that). My dad said it was up to me. So they followed me to the licensing office (I had to take the family shopping after that) and when I registered, the person asked me if he should follow all the details like my previous license. After a brief moment of pondering I answered "Yes". When I received the printout, my dad out of curiosity wanted to see how Washington Driver's Licenses looked like. He was then surprised that I didn't make the change to my name. I told him I wanted to, but then I realized I wanted to retain my identity. I was named after the man sitting on top of our family tree (as far back as we could trace). Plus the name means "The one who speaks the truth" (very hard to live up to but I try and usually succeed).

Now why did I do that? People know me as Scott. But on the inside, I am always the person who I am. It was a 'gift' bestowed to me by the parentals and true, what's in a name. But my identity is something that I have full control over (very few things in life are that way). I consider myself 100% integrated and assimilated into the US. I am a proud US born Asian American. Yet, I am passionate about my lineage as well. Why? Because it makes me who I am. A unique individual living on this wonderful speck in the universe that's called Earth.

Still it is no excuse for refusing to speak and type in proper English, or for me to disobey the US law.

Teh Slash book!

Well I didn't buy it from Borders though. :p I got it from Barnes & Noble (they are running a member's hardcover discount right now).

Slash is one of my favorite guitarists ever (him and Dave Mustaine - the front man of Megadeth). He also uses the guitar I want the most (Gibson Les Paul!) though he naturally has a 'custom' one (that costs ~$4+ Grand). I will hopefully spring for just a 'normal' Les Paul Standard (that costs just over $2K) but that is in the distant future. For now heal wrist and practice more! :)

Dave Mustaine is my favorite metal guitarist (duh). I recently reinjured my thumb/wrist trying to learn Symphony of Destruction as well as practicing his Spider Chords for 15 minutes.

For Slash, I really like the Bluesy scales he uses as well as his rock scales (like Pentatonic scales). I'm really trying to learn (well was trying to) some of his scales and warm ups. I do this to increase finger dexterity (I have come a long way since I started on the Blues Scales that I know) but man, Slash flies through them haha!

Both Slash and Dave Mustaine (my guitar gods haha) uses Seymour Duncan pickups but I am considering using EMGs. Tough one there. But both use Marshall Amps (with Slash being the only person to have a signature model Marshall Amp).

I really look forward to reading this book but only after a certain someone finishes through it (she's definitely a bigger fan than I am haha!). ;)

EDIT: Holy crap, after looking at those vids and listening to guitars play, I have a crazy urge to pick mine up and play! NOES! Get it away from me! :(

Farewell Netscape

I don't really know about you guys, but during the first Browser Wars, I started out with Netscape Navigator (this was in the mid-ish late-ish 90s) which later became Netscape Communicator. Ultimately I started using IE exclusively after a while because it simply was better than Netscape. So it does have some nostalgic significance to me. As such, it is kinda sad that is going away (though I woefully hate AOL which kinda bought them - those cd-coaster people them!).

Netscape as of today (what's left of it anyways) is now officially gone. In all honesty it's no big deal.

I am a staple user of Mozilla Firefox. The Mozilla foundation is a non-profit organization (which was created as an open source project of Netscape Navigator) and it's browser (Firefox) is based off of Netscape Navigator/communicator (funny how later on Netscape Communicator was based off Firefox).

So in a sense, I still am at my internet browser 'roots'. But what does this mean? Does it really mean anything to most of us users? I don't think so. Now it's either Internet Explorer (though I do like IE7 way better then IE6), or Firefox.

Firefox is my probably most used freeware (along with Foobar2000 - the BEST audioplayer - most customizable for audio settings) that I utilize every day (hey I even have the portable version on my flash drive).

But still, goodbye Netscape. Funny how the first browser wars is finally coming to a close in what is probably the second browser wars (Firefox with ~15% market share vs Internet Explorer - the behemoth).

Firefox 3 (current version is at 2) is just around the corner and I think that the new IE is somewhere on the horizon as well. With two strong camps, I can't wait to see what new stuff gets brought to the table (Firefox and later on IE7 brought us tabbed browsing - which I love!).